Home > Comedy > Know Pun Intended: 30 top puns and one liners

Know Pun Intended: 30 top puns and one liners

I’m cheating a bit here and simply posting an old email that was sent to me a while back. No idea who compiled this selection of puns.

Some of the puns are quite clever, while others are groan-inducing…you decide!

I guess some would be funny to use on Twitter or Facebook at the right opportunity too. so please copy away and pass them off as your own 🙂

  1. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
  3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
  5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
  7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
  9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
  10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A- flat minor.
  11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
  13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
  16. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
  17. Every calendar’s days are numbered.
  18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
  19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
  22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  24. Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
  27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
  28. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
  29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

If you know of any other good puns, please comment below.

Categories: Comedy Tags: , ,
  1. Anurag
    19 August 2013 at 6:14 pm

    thats punderful man!!

    15 September 2013 at 9:57 pm

    Time wounds all heels

  3. Roger DESHON
    13 March 2014 at 5:35 am

    When I visited Egypt I fell in the river but when I was asked I said it never happened. I was in denial.

  4. Roger DESHON
    13 March 2014 at 5:38 am

    The man who built the tower in Paris, when looking at the parisites, slipped and fell and thats’ actually how it got its name. As he lay dying someone asked “What happened”? He replied “I was up there and I fell”.

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